I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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