i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
