There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Randomize
