A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
