Moan for me like Helen Keller
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
In other news, I just burned my penis
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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