So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
