I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
