i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
