Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
