I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
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We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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