just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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