i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Someone signed my nipple.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
