Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
