so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
