did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
