And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
that may or may not have been my penis.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
