Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
