just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize