his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
