i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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