Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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