i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
