So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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