great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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