pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
worst night to have a conscience
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
