How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
