Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
