Is it normal to miss your booty call?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
