sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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