Porn is love you can see.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
