next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i will never coherently bang her
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
