Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
