Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
