Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
