Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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