from now on my penis is your penis
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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