I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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