Buhtt sex?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The air was thick with penises
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just gargled with NyQuil
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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