i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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