you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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