I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
