I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
