I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
