I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
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I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
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I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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