I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
