If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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