You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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