i would punch a child for taco bell
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
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He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
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I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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