Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
