I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
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I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
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do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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