just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
