what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
