u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
