Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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