I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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