wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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