my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
