I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
