Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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