Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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