There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Never let your siblings swipe right.
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