what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Panties = found
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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