I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
