Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
