I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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