I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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