no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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