you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
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