I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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