Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
