sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm bleeding and have questions
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
