If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize